My Number One Lesson From 2017

/
My Number One Lesson From 2017

2017 was a year of high highs and low lows for me. As with all of my years in life, it didn’t go as planned. I had to readjust my sails. I had to adapt. I had to take in all of the feelings and do my best to navigate through them, even in the roughest of seas. I’ve learned many lessons this year, some hard, some wonderful, and some confusing, and others eye-opening. But there’s one lesson in particular that stood out to me. It’s one that is so important for those of us in recovery and also for the general public to understand.

Read More

Recovery Gals Art Exchange - Winter Solstice 2017

/
Recovery Gals Art Exchange - Winter Solstice 2017

Happy winter solstice! For this recovery gals art exchange our theme was healing. This was a perfect theme for me because I feel like I've been healing from a lot this year and of course recovery is a constant journey of healing. From trying painting and crafting during my previous art exchanges, I knew this time I wanted to write. Writing is like coming home for me. It makes me feel. It's therapeutic and fulfilling

Read More

Holiday Gift Guide For the Sober Person in Your Life

/
Holiday Gift Guide For the Sober Person in Your Life

During the holidays alcohol is often given as a gift without a second thought. It can be hurtful and disappointing for those of us in recovery. I curated a short list of gifts I know I would personally love to receive as a woman in recovery, and I’m sure others in recovery would as well.

Read More

A Spiritual Experience Is Messy

/
A Spiritual Experience Is Messy

I have always been a girl with an imagination. It’s a blessing and a curse really. I hate scary movies because if I believe it’s possible that it could happen in real life, it becomes too real for my consciousness. Until I was old enough to truly separate imaginary from reality, life was full of fear, but also overwhelming possibility. I remember being crushed when I found out Santa Claus wasn’t real. I remember using the Ouija board to communicate with my dead relatives at the age of 12. Call me crazy, but deep down inside even as a child, I felt intuitively special. I felt in touch with my inner voice. My sister and I still joke around about how I said I had psychic abilities because there were times when I would predict the phone would ring before it did.

Read More

When Gratitude Feels Overwhelming

/
When Gratitude Feels Overwhelming

Grateful. Gratitude. Thankful. These are words we hear often in the English language, especially in November. But also in recovery. And there are good reasons for both of these phenomena. Gratitude is empowering and wonderful and it can change your outlook on life. Many argue it should be a daily practice, whether you’re in recovery or not.

Growing up I was the opposite of grateful. I felt entitled. I felt like I deserved certain things and I think this was because of the hand I’d been dealt throughout the years. Bad luck, surgeries, trauma, hardships. The least the world could do was give me what I deserved right?

Read More

4.5 Years Ago Wasn’t Different, It Was More of the Same

/
4.5 Years Ago Wasn’t Different, It Was More of the Same

The last night I drank I was on a girls trip at a beautiful all-inclusive resort in sunny Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. It was my first time in the country and what a memorable time it would be. Now it’s officially the place I had my last sip of alcohol. That weekend in May of 2013 is something I’ve gone over in my head about a million and one times now.

Read More

When You're the Only Sober Person at the Party

/
When You're the Only Sober Person at the Party

A few weeks ago during one of our Bloom Club classes we discussed sobriety as a lifestyle. For me, I believe this component is essential for successful sobriety. Sobriety isn’t something you can take on and off like a jacket. It’s not something you can keep hidden away as a secret that you only take out in church basements to discuss amongst like-minded people. It must be something that you believe in with your whole heart. It must be something that you’re proud of and that you put first. Otherwise it won’t work. Or it might work, but you may eventually feel like you are leading a double life, that sobriety is a chore, or something to be ashamed of.

Read More

Only I Make My Recovery My Own: Leaving AA

/
Only I Make My Recovery My Own: Leaving AA

You guys - I’m tired. I really am. Like my sister said, I feel like Leah Remini and I just left Scientology. Haha! I’m tired of a lot of things, but mostly of the fact that no writer on the internet can talk about AA without being verbally attacked. Last week I published a personal piece about my choice to stop attending AA meetings. And oh boy, did my words kick up a fuss.

Read More

Why I Stopped Attending AA

/
Why I Stopped Attending AA

I’ve been avoiding writing this post for a long time. Since May of this year to be exact. I guess the main reason I’ve been avoiding writing about this topic is that I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure if I was actually stopping attending 12 step meetings or not. But it’s been 5 months since I’ve been to a meeting so I figured I would finally address this topic

Read More

Why I Walk Like MADD

/
Why I Walk Like MADD

In 2013, 28.7 million people admitted to driving under the influence of alcohol – that’s more than the population of Texas.Everyone drinks and drives. Everyone. If you are a social drinker and you have never gotten behind the wheel after 2 or more drinks, I am confident enough to say you’re lying. It’s one of the first things we learn starting back in elementary school - DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!

Read More

Surviving Hurricane Irma Sober

/
Surviving Hurricane Irma Sober

In sobriety, there are many seasons of survival. It’s funny how that word has evolved over time. For many years I was just surviving. Going to sleep at night and waking up to see another day during active addiction was like playing Russian roulette. During early sobriety, I thought, “finally, I am not only surviving, but I am truly living.” I put intention into my days and my actions. I felt grateful for the first time in my life and coping with daily life seemed doable.

Read More

Why We Should Give a F*ck About Overdose Awareness Day

/
Why We Should Give a F*ck About Overdose Awareness Day

I vaguely remember picking out my outfit and hopping in a cab with my roomies. We got a table outside in the back overlooking the bay and that’s when the lights in my head faded to black. That was basically all I remembered of my 23rd birthday, save a few spotty details from the next morning, and other things my friends told me when I attempted to piece my night together.

Read More

Recovery Gals Art Exchange – Abundance

/
Recovery Gals Art Exchange – Abundance

It’s that time again, or was that time again, but as with a lot of stuff I am late. I once again had the pleasure of participating in Tammi and Sondra’s Recovery Gals Art Exchange project. This time for the summer solstice, with the theme of abundance. Abundance – a very large quantity of something, the state or condition of having a copious quantity of something; plentifulness

Read More

Soccer and CrossFit Helped, But I Saved Myself

/
Soccer and CrossFit Helped, But I Saved Myself

It’s hard for me to understand that there are people in this world who go their entire lives without being part of an organized sports team. My earliest memory of organized sports is playing soccer at the age of 5 in New Jersey. My sister and I were on the red team and the teams moved in clusters around the ball. I remember my rosy face hot with sweat and eating orange slices at halftime.

Read More

Building Walls Keeps Out the Bad and the Good

/
Building Walls Keeps Out the Bad and the Good

I’ve had a complicated past with friendships. I know this is hard to believe for many of you who know me now, but it used to be difficult for me to make friends. Growing up I had several tight-knit friendships with a few different girls, each one dying out on its own, but that separation was always hard for me to accept. In 6th grade I even signed up for a “how to make friends” course with my school guidance counselor, on a recommendation from my mother. In 8th grade I finally found a group of girls who would become my best friends, some of them I knew earlier than that from soccer and elementary school, but we solidified as a group at the end of middle school. They made my days brighter and we vowed to be friends for life.

Read More

The Yearning To Be A Normie

/
The Yearning To Be A Normie

One thing I felt so much of in early sobriety was remorse. As if we already don’t feel shitty enough because of the things we did while drinking and using drugs, those of us who quit drinking feel shame and guilt for doing so. If we say the word “alcoholic,” if we admit we are out of control, if we say we can’t drink anymore, we are automatically looked down upon. We are encouraged to stay anonymous for fear of rejection and stigma. So, is it any surprise that when I got sober I felt defeated? Inept? Like a failure? I felt like I couldn’t do something everyone else was doing - drink normally.

Read More

Sobriety Gives Me Choices

/
Sobriety Gives Me Choices

As soon as the vodka hit my lips, I knew. The rush of excitement and feelings of the unknown would hit me. I just never knew what might happen. I could meet the love of my life, I could end up in a crazy situation, I could not remember any of it, I could have the best night of my life or the worst! I threw caution to the wind. Do most people feel this way when they drink? Maybe sometimes, but I don’t think it’s why they drink.

Read More

32 Rotations Around The Sun

/
32 Rotations Around The Sun

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about my birthday and I’m sure it won’t be the last, but this one feels different. I don’t feel like I’m searching for the life lessons I’ve learned or things that have gotten me through this last year of life. This isn’t a pep talk. I’m not anxiety-ridden like I was before my 30th birthday.

Read More