40 Ups & Downs in 4 Years of Sobriety

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40 Ups & Downs in 4 Years of Sobriety

I hope this day in the history of my life is just as important to me 20 years from now, as it is today. It can be a painful memory to recall. No one likes to admit that their life is a mess, that they lost control, or that they cannot moderate their drinking no matter how hard they try. Before May 7, 2013 I worked incredibly hard at making it seem like I had it all together. I had a job, I could pay my rent, I had a boyfriend, I was living in one of the most fabulous cities in the world. Everyone thought I was living the dream, when deep down inside I had a hole in my soul.

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How To Ask For Help When You Don't Want To

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How To Ask For Help When You Don't Want To

Asking for help is something no one ever wants to do. Especially when it comes to addiction. For me, it has always been hard to ask for help. My ego has always been in the way. Growing up I was scared I would look stupid in school if I asked questions everyone already knew the answer to. It was one of my biggest fears and it led to me getting behind in some subjects because I wouldn't speak up when I didn't understand. I was terrified of looking and feeling stupid because then I would believe that I really was stupid.

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Book Review: Sober Stick Figure by Amber Tozer

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Book Review: Sober Stick Figure by Amber Tozer

Reading literally saved my life. What do I mean by that? I mean when I got sober in 2013 I had a lot of time to myself and the internet was my friend. I read addiction and recovery information, blogs, memoirs, and any other kind of book I could get on my kindle while living in Cancun. I still read as much as I can, but I hardly give reading the attention it deserves on this blog. But that’s going to change. I want to share with all of you books that have made an impact on my life, ones that I couldn’t put down, and ones that I simply enjoyed.

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The Gift of Tooth Brushing

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The Gift of Tooth Brushing

Every time I get to spend a few hours alone with my significant other I am reminded of just how lucky I am he is mine. Although we share a house and a bed, and both work from home, Fer and I very much have our own lives and enjoy our own space. That’s why we make it mandatory to have at least one date night per week where we aren’t allowed to touch our cell phones for a certain period of time (this is admittedly hard for me haha). As our hot, steamy end of date night winded down on Tuesday night, we were both giddy, laughing, and talking. We had just completed our bedtime rituals – face washing, tooth brushing, face cream, etc. As I lay my head down next to Fer I ran my tongue along my squeaky clean, freshly washed teeth. My mouth tasted like mint and my lips had just been applied Chapstick. I turned to Fer and I said, “You know what I love about sobriety?” He looked at me and said, “What?” “Brushing my teeth,” I said. Fer scrunched up his face, laughed and said, “I know! Never having that gross taste of alcohol in your mouth anymore?” He always knows just what I mean. “YES!” I said.

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Running for Recovery on June 4

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Running for Recovery on June 4

Last year I wrote about an important event called the Heroes in Recovery 6k. I completed the race in South Florida and was able to share my story of recovery while I was there. It was later published on their website. The Heroes in Recovery 6k was emotional for me last year. It was the first race I ran for recovery. It was the first race I ran that I really felt was for me. That I was part of these 23 million people who thrive in recovery, that we really are completing heroic acts, just by living in recovery from our addictions. I was amongst my people and running that race with the support of my sister and brother-in-law really moved me. I suppose it will be just as emotional for me this year. This year I am 3 years sober and in a little better shape physically (last year I was just coming back from my knee surgery!)

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3 Big Life Lessons Learned in 3 Years of Sobriety

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3 Big Life Lessons Learned in 3 Years of Sobriety

Three years ago today I sat in the Punta Cana, Dominican Republic Airport, alone, weeping, sweating, and with my head pounding. I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. I was so tired of what my life had become. I didn't recognize myself or my life. I'll never really know why that day was the day that my life changed forever, but I know that something inside me shifted that day. Looking back I know it was the culmination of years of binge drinking and abusing my body. It was the the final straw in years of blackouts, tumultuous relationships, and self-loathing. I knew that it couldn't be all there was. I knew deep down inside drinking wasn't fun for me anymore and that it was the only thing that, year after year, kept making my life more chaotic. I knew there had to be more to life than tequila shots, cocaine bumps, and weaseling my way into the VIP section of the nightclubs in Cancun. I wanted so desperately to have a normal life - to sleep peacefully, not pass out, to travel without incorporating a hangover into my plans, to be able to spend time with my family without worrying about what time I could get away and go to the bar.

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Gifts of Sobriety: A New Job

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Gifts of Sobriety: A New Job

For me, employment has always been about making money and getting by. During my drinking years I knew I needed a job to pay for things like rent, booze, and drugs, and to convince my friends and family that my life was manageable. I never really gave thought to my future, my "career," or what kind of job would actually make me happy. It wasn't until I randomly got my first writing job in Cancun from friends I used to party with, that I discovered something I really like and thought I might be good at. Add in social media and I thought I really had something I could do for a long time. Writing turned into blogging at a tourism job, and then I created this blog. From this blog sprouted so many opportunities.

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When Love Changes, Change With It

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When Love Changes, Change With It

When you've got the geographical cure for addiction like I did, chances are you've made memories all over the globe. I've lived in several different cities and as most of you know, Cancun, Mexico, is one of them. Fer and I have been here for the last week searching for our wedding venue. I've got a ton of memories wrapped up in this little tourist destination and not all of them are good. But seasons change and so do feelings. I've resented a lot of places where bad memories occurred: my college campus, Ocean City, Maryland, Baltimore, Punta Cana, the list goes on. The bad memories are always connected to one thing: drinking. Some of these places I ended up hating for awhile, but my anger was always misplaced. I think it was part of my defense mechanism - get angry at the place or the substance, but not at my actions or addiction.

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Triggers Are Found In The Funniest Of Places

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Triggers Are Found In The Funniest Of Places

This photo brings up a painful memory. A night out that turned into another day without sleep, drugs and alcohol to keep me awake. On my Facebook page this week I asked my followers to give me topic ideas for my blog that they might want to read about. I always like answering questions that my readers ask, or writing about a topic they really want to hear about. One follower suggested a post about triggers. Triggers. I had never really thought much about triggers or considered writing a post about them. I'm not really sure why. So when faced with thinking about triggers, a few thoughts came to mind.

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My Favorite Addiction Recovery Podcasts

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My Favorite Addiction Recovery Podcasts

Happy 2016 everyone! Blogs are fun to read, but there's also another great way to get information, "read" a book, or in this case, get recovery inspiration, and that's by listening to a podcast. It's my duty on this blog to share my own experience, as well as what works for me. When I'm doing a long day of writing, or traveling in the car, or even laying out by the pool, many times you can catch me listening to recovery podcasts. I've put together a list of my favorites so you can enjoy them too.

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13th Step Jokes Aren't Funny

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13th Step Jokes Aren't Funny

I hate to be a buzzkill, but 13th step jokes aren't funny. The whole 13th step concept is weird, shameful, and tragic. I've always been the person who doesn't think racist jokes are funny, or rape jokes, or any type of sensitive subject that is used as the butt of someone's humor.

Growing up I was the one always telling my peers not to say the "n" word when referring to people of color, or the "f" word to describe gay people. I used to get a lot of weird looks and eye rolls. In college a few friends of mine were on an intramural flag football team they cleverly named, "SDIA" which spelled AIDS backwards. Yes, like the syndrome that is caused by the HIV virus. Why did they pick this name? They were going to "infect" everyone in the league and win all their games. I can't make this shit up folks. I remember when I heard their reasoning and saw their t-shirts I was so angry I cried. How could people be so cruel? Did they not know that AIDS is a deadly disease that has killed millions including someone important in my own family? Obviously not.

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Why Storytelling Is The LifeBlood Of Recovery - Book Download

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Why Storytelling Is The LifeBlood Of Recovery - Book Download

What is it about stories that make us feel alive? It’s not just in the recovery community; stories are all the rage in marketing and advertising too. It’s the human condition – we yearn for someone to understand us. We feel safer buying from brands that we connect with. If we see others like us doing something, we realize we can do it too. Hearing people talk openly and honestly about their struggles and successes makes them real, relatable, and feasible. It’s that powerful phrase of relief we desire to utter, or have others say back to us, “me too.” There is almost nothing worse than feeling like the only one – the dread of loneliness that so often engulfs those in the throes of addiction, trauma, or abuse. It should be no surprise that sharing a recovery story can change or save a life, or plant the seed of evolution in a complete stranger.

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Why I'm Going To Unite To Face Addiction On October 4

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Why I'm Going To Unite To Face Addiction On October 4

Unite to Face Addiction is a big rally on the National Mall in Washington D.C. set to take place on Sunday, October 4, from 4 to 8 p.m. The event will include musical performances from Steven Tyler, The Goo Goo Dolls, Sheryl Crow, The Fray, and many others. Additionally, there will be recovery advocates from across the country and inspirational speakers whose lives have been touched by addiction in some way. The goal of Unite To Face Addiction is to bring awareness and new solutions to the addiction crisis in America.

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What Recovery Month Means To Me

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What Recovery Month Means To Me

This year I've got two years and a few months of sobriety under my belt. I've done more soul-searching, read more books, written more, and became a proud member of a 12 step group. I guess last year I felt a little disconnected from the recovery movement. I only happened to stumble upon Recovery Month 2014 via a Facebook post and reading the Recovery Month website. I was not yet in a 12 step program and I wondered to myself if I could really call myself a person in "recovery." This year I am 100% sure I am a person in long-term recovery and it's not just because I'm a member of a 12 step fellowship. Over the last year I've involved myself more in the recovery community, especially online. I've shared my story on countless websites and have recently written it for a book that will be a collection of recovery stories. I'm even laying the groundwork for writing my own memoir. What!? I know. I've fully embraced recovery and it's taken me to places I never thought possible.

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7 Things I Learned At My First ICYPAA

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7 Things I Learned At My First ICYPAA

Do you ever feel like you were just destined to be friends with someone? You meet and it's not weird at all. It's like you've known each other for years. It's a rare quality in a friendship and I got to experience it this past weekend. I finally met my online friend Beth after catfishing her for a year and a half (I kid.) Our paths crossed in the rarest of circumstances. We both wrote about our sobriety and our posts both got picked up by the Huffington Post in May of 2014. We both wrote each other emails and discovered we shared the same sobriety date. Just like that we became friends. We started talking, texting, and snapchatting daily. A year and a half later, I finally met her in the flesh and blood when she came to Florida last week. Beth came down to go to ICYPAA - the International Conference for Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous and I went with her.

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Recovery Messaging Training With Young People In Recovery

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Recovery Messaging Training With Young People In Recovery

I talk a lot about recovering out loud, breaking the stigma of addiction, and telling your story. But I've never really considered how my rhetoric can affect the public's perception of this disease that I'm dealing with.

Last Saturday I crossed over to the other side of the state and visited Boynton Beach to attend a Young People in Recovery event called Recovery Messaging Training. It sounded like something that was right up my alley and I had been wanting to attend a YPR event for awhile now so this was the perfect one. I met a lot of great people and learned new information about how I can present my recovery to the world.

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The 4 Stages Of Early Sobriety

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The 4 Stages Of Early Sobriety

Lately I've been receiving a ton of messages and emails from my readers about early sobriety. I realize that many of us contemplate sobriety for months, or even years, before we decide to take the leap and make a change. Before we do, we want to know exactly what it's going to be like and what's going to happen when we get sober. I'm sure that's why a lot of you read my blog in the first place. You want to know - is getting sober possible? Is it enjoyable? What is everyday life going to be like? Well, to briefly answer those questions, early sobriety is different from years of sobriety, as I am quickly learning at 2 years and 3.5 months sober. I think early sobriety can easily be broken down into 4 realistic stages which I will detail for you below.

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The Anatomy of a Blackout

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The Anatomy of a Blackout

If you haven't heard of the book, Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank To Forget by Sarah Hepola yet, you've most likely been living under a rock. She has been on all of my favorite recovery podcasts, blog sites, and news sites, (even CNN and NPR!) and I'm not surprised because her book is just as good as all the hype it got.Not only is her storytelling ability and candidness refreshing and captivating, her story is one I can 100% relate to. I found myself thinking at several points in the book, wow, it's like she is taking thoughts out of my brain and writing them in this book. I literally couldn't put the book down. I kept thinking she is me, I am her, we are the same person.

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No Amount of Alcohol is Safe to Drink if You're Pregnant

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No Amount of Alcohol is Safe to Drink if You're Pregnant

No I'm not pregnant! Haha, but I do know several people who are. I recently watched a documentary sent to me by a reader called Moment to Moment: Teens Growing Up With FASDs [Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders]. On the blog I often talk about drinking and how it has affected my life, as well as the widespread consequences caused by addiction. I read a lot about the devastating effects of drugs and alcohol on bodies, the epidemic of overdosing, and the constant suffering experienced by the families of addicts. Something I don't see a lot about when I read about addiction is mothers-to-be who drink while pregnant. Did you know each year 2-5% of all babies born in the U.S. have been affected by their mother's drinking alcohol during pregnancy? I didn't. I also didn't know Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders is the number 1 cause of preventable intellectual disability in the U.S. These are only a couple of facts I learned from watching this documentary. The scary part is some women believe drinking during pregnancy has no effect and others are too wrapped up in their addiction to care. If you're one of them or know one, please take into consideration the devastating effects alcohol could have on your unborn child. Watching this documentary allowed me to see with my own eyes the long-lasting consequences.

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My First International AA Convention Atlanta 2015

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My First International AA Convention Atlanta 2015

As summer is flying by, I had a unique opportunity to join a friend and her mom at the International Convention in Atlanta from July 2 to 5. It worked out perfectly as I was able to celebrate my friend's 1 year soberversary while we were there and speak with her mom, who was one of the first people I messaged on the day I decided to stop drinking. I knew she was in the program and I thought she might have some advice for me. She told me to get a Big Book and that I would live a life beyond my wildest dreams. She was so right. Reminiscing with those gals was enough to make the weekend worth it, but I also attended a bunch of fun meetings too. Let me explain what an International Convention is all about.

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