I've been feeling a bit disconnected lately, from my writing and my recovery. I am overwhelmed with work, wedding planning, this election, and life in general. Today I decided to concentrate on what's in front of me and that is the man that I love's birthday.
Mi querido Fer,
At my sister's request I will try not to make this letter into our wedding vows. I just wanted to write you a thing to tell you what a special day today is. Today is your 28th birthday, finally, you're only three years younger than me again. I hate those 4 long months of the year when I'm 4 years older than you. By your next birthday, you'll be my husband. I've been secretly trying out that word and it comes out a lot easier than fiancé. But remember I did the same thing last year before you were my fiancé? Boyfriend just didn't cut it. Honestly, I don't think husband even really cuts it. Because for me, you are so much more than that. I am lucky that my best friend, my life partner, my lover, and my roommate are all the same person. We are incredibly lucky. Not everyone finds themselves in our position.
We've talked a little bit about changing families and how ours has evolved. As we grow older we realize our parents are getting older too and as days go by, we learn how to survive totally on our own (mostly). In my past relationships, I always had my mom and dad on the back burner. I could call them as soon as I needed to be rescued and I knew I would be. I never imagined living with a significant other in a big house alone, just us. My mom even joked around that I could live with her forever if I wanted to and it didn't sound so bad. But with you, I don't need rescuing. This year we purchased our own home and now we have a slice of paradise that's just ours. I found myself living a fantasy I never thought could be real. A fantasy I never knew I really wanted. Sleeping in a king size bed next to the man I love, making coffee in a quiet kitchen in the morning as the light pours in the big kitchen windows, and picking out rugs and decorations to make our house more "us." All of the sudden our family began to morph into a real unit. Two grown-ups and two cats. We have cultivated a place where human children can live and probably survive, and maybe even thrive. And with that, we become saddened that we are slowly becoming more distant from both sets of our parents. It's a side effect I don't think either of us expected, but it's a natural occurrence. It's kind of scary because we know one day it'll just be me and you. That's a pretty big decision to make. To me, choosing someone to be your family is serious. It's someone you need to be able to depend on for anything and everything. Someone who knows you better than anybody else. That's who you are for me. I've never been so sure of something in my life.
I know the last few months have been difficult for you. There has been a lot of physical and emotional discomfort, but you don't give yourself enough credit. In the past 4 and 1/2 years that I have been by your side, you have changed dramatically. I know I am the one who talks about my own changes frequently, but you've changed too. It's been a pleasure to watch you grow, even though growing doesn't always feel good. But that's how life is. There will be good days and bad, but when you look back at an entire year I hope you can see how far you've come. You took a chance with me in 2014, leaving your country behind and moving with me to the U.S. That is not easy to do. You've worked hard, you've progressed, you've come far in your jobs and your athletics. You've acclimated to living in a strange, new place where there are no taco trucks on any corners. And I just want you to know how grateful I am for that. I want you to know how proud of you I am. I want you to know that I appreciate you.
Today on your birthday I want you to know how much joy you bring to my life. I can't believe this is the 5th birthday of yours we've celebrated together. It really does get better every year. October 14 has become one of my favorite days of the year because I get to make your special day as special as you are.
Thank you for sticking with me. For doing life with me. For making every single one of my days brighter, lighter, and more doable. I know everyone describes marriage as 'growing old together,' but that's already what we've been doing for these last 4.5 years. It's not just that I get to do life with you, it's that I get to learn something new about you every day. I get to see you change, evolve, and become a better version of yourself. I get to support you. I get to hold you and love you and call you mine. We get to depend on each other. We get to spend all of our birthdays celebrating each other. We've got so much more to look forward to. And what's more joyful than that?
I am so proud, humbled, and grateful to call myself your fiancé.
Feliz 28 años de vida mi amor. No hay mejor manera de pasar mi vida, que amarte. Gracias por existir. Gracias por compartir tu corazón y tu vida conmigo. Te amo.