Is Sobriety For Me?

Is Sobriety For Me?

Sobriety is only for drunks, junkies, and AA-goers. Sobriety is only for people who can’t control their alcohol intake and have no other choice but to quit. Those are the ideas I subscribed to my whole life. I think they are ideas that much of society still subscribes to. Other ideas society perpetuates? If you can’t drink alcohol something is wrong with you. Being called an alcoholic is worse than being called a criminal (or equal to?). Sobriety is lame. Sobriety is dumb. Sobriety is unobtainable. Sobriety is not for me.

Read More

A Real Writer

A Real Writer

Do you ever spend your life thinking of yourself as one way, only to find out you’re actually the opposite? I feel like we have these revelations often in sobriety. For example, I spent years of my life truly believing my man-picker was broken. All of my romantic relationships were toxic, starting from the young age of 16. Each one was filled with vitriol, yelling, arguments, and explosive break-ups and incredible make-up sex. It wasn’t until my first go-round through the 12 steps that I came to the stark realization that I, in fact, was the toxic one.

Read More

My Favorite Books From 2017

My Favorite Books From 2017

This year I’m writing “got done,” lists in addition to the regular “to-do,” lists and on those lists, I’m writing down stuff I get done every day. It’s been a powerful reminder that I am getting a lot done and I’m getting a lot more done than I thought I was. Additionally, my memory can be crappy when I try and remember what and when I’ve done stuff so I love having these lists to look back on. I also want to keep track of how many books I read this year and which ones. This led me to create a list of my favorite books from 2017. I didn’t make a list last year of everything I read, but I do remember a selection of books that were my favorites. I wanted to share these with you and I plan on a much more comprehensive list for 2018

Read More

Living Outside the Sober Bubble

Living Outside the Sober Bubble

When I got sober I lived in a foreign country where being sober was basically unheard of. I didn’t know what any of this crap meant - “pink cloud,” “90 in 90,” “sponsor,” “people, places, things.” I was truly on my own from the get-go with my sobriety. I paved my own way and I never considered that some people get sober and stay in a sober bubble, sometimes forever. I was thrown into the fire in the first week of my sobriety. I attended a birthday dinner for my mother-in-law and there were bottles of wine. My family indulged while I could not. It felt horrible. I felt sad, angry, and annoyed. I felt like the odd man out. Shortly after that experience, I attended another birthday party for a friend which took place on a boat in the Caribbean Sea. On this trip, I was accompanied by a pregnant friend who also was not drinking, but I still felt like I was crawling out of my skin. I felt uncomfortable and I felt like a liar for telling people I wasn’t drinking because I was running a 5K in the morning (true, but not all the way true).

Read More

Cultivate Your Full Bloom

Cultivate Your Full Bloom

On May 7, 2013 I was on a plane flying back to Cancun where I lived at the time, from Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. Minutes before I had made a heartbreaking decision for myself. I decided that I would not be drinking again, until further notice. My mom had listened to me crying in the Punta Cana airport, full of distress and questioning my worth as a person. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was so sick of not being able to control my drinking. I was so sick of feeling like crap afterward. I was sick of feeling paranoid that everyone was mad at me for something I did or said while wasted. I was sick of ruining relationship after relationship. I wanted these feelings to leave me and I knew in order to do that I had to cut alcohol out of my life.

Read More

My Number One Lesson From 2017

My Number One Lesson From 2017

2017 was a year of high highs and low lows for me. As with all of my years in life, it didn’t go as planned. I had to readjust my sails. I had to adapt. I had to take in all of the feelings and do my best to navigate through them, even in the roughest of seas. I’ve learned many lessons this year, some hard, some wonderful, and some confusing, and others eye-opening. But there’s one lesson in particular that stood out to me. It’s one that is so important for those of us in recovery and also for the general public to understand.

Read More

Recovery Gals Art Exchange - Winter Solstice 2017

Recovery Gals Art Exchange - Winter Solstice 2017

Happy winter solstice! For this recovery gals art exchange our theme was healing. This was a perfect theme for me because I feel like I've been healing from a lot this year and of course recovery is a constant journey of healing. From trying painting and crafting during my previous art exchanges, I knew this time I wanted to write. Writing is like coming home for me. It makes me feel. It's therapeutic and fulfilling

Read More

Holiday Gift Guide For the Sober Person in Your Life

Holiday Gift Guide For the Sober Person in Your Life

During the holidays alcohol is often given as a gift without a second thought. It can be hurtful and disappointing for those of us in recovery. I curated a short list of gifts I know I would personally love to receive as a woman in recovery, and I’m sure others in recovery would as well.

Read More

A Spiritual Experience Is Messy

A Spiritual Experience Is Messy

I have always been a girl with an imagination. It’s a blessing and a curse really. I hate scary movies because if I believe it’s possible that it could happen in real life, it becomes too real for my consciousness. Until I was old enough to truly separate imaginary from reality, life was full of fear, but also overwhelming possibility. I remember being crushed when I found out Santa Claus wasn’t real. I remember using the Ouija board to communicate with my dead relatives at the age of 12. Call me crazy, but deep down inside even as a child, I felt intuitively special. I felt in touch with my inner voice. My sister and I still joke around about how I said I had psychic abilities because there were times when I would predict the phone would ring before it did.

Read More

When Gratitude Feels Overwhelming

When Gratitude Feels Overwhelming

Grateful. Gratitude. Thankful. These are words we hear often in the English language, especially in November. But also in recovery. And there are good reasons for both of these phenomena. Gratitude is empowering and wonderful and it can change your outlook on life. Many argue it should be a daily practice, whether you’re in recovery or not.

Growing up I was the opposite of grateful. I felt entitled. I felt like I deserved certain things and I think this was because of the hand I’d been dealt throughout the years. Bad luck, surgeries, trauma, hardships. The least the world could do was give me what I deserved right?

Read More

4.5 Years Ago Wasn’t Different, It Was More of the Same

4.5 Years Ago Wasn’t Different, It Was More of the Same

The last night I drank I was on a girls trip at a beautiful all-inclusive resort in sunny Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. It was my first time in the country and what a memorable time it would be. Now it’s officially the place I had my last sip of alcohol. That weekend in May of 2013 is something I’ve gone over in my head about a million and one times now.

Read More

When You're the Only Sober Person at the Party

When You're the Only Sober Person at the Party

A few weeks ago during one of our Bloom Club classes we discussed sobriety as a lifestyle. For me, I believe this component is essential for successful sobriety. Sobriety isn’t something you can take on and off like a jacket. It’s not something you can keep hidden away as a secret that you only take out in church basements to discuss amongst like-minded people. It must be something that you believe in with your whole heart. It must be something that you’re proud of and that you put first. Otherwise it won’t work. Or it might work, but you may eventually feel like you are leading a double life, that sobriety is a chore, or something to be ashamed of.

Read More

Only I Make My Recovery My Own: Leaving AA

Only I Make My Recovery My Own: Leaving AA

You guys - I’m tired. I really am. Like my sister said, I feel like Leah Remini and I just left Scientology. Haha! I’m tired of a lot of things, but mostly of the fact that no writer on the internet can talk about AA without being verbally attacked. Last week I published a personal piece about my choice to stop attending AA meetings. And oh boy, did my words kick up a fuss.

Read More

Why I Stopped Attending AA

Why I Stopped Attending AA

I’ve been avoiding writing this post for a long time. Since May of this year to be exact. I guess the main reason I’ve been avoiding writing about this topic is that I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure if I was actually stopping attending 12 step meetings or not. But it’s been 5 months since I’ve been to a meeting so I figured I would finally address this topic

Read More

Why I Walk Like MADD

Why I Walk Like MADD

In 2013, 28.7 million people admitted to driving under the influence of alcohol – that’s more than the population of Texas.Everyone drinks and drives. Everyone. If you are a social drinker and you have never gotten behind the wheel after 2 or more drinks, I am confident enough to say you’re lying. It’s one of the first things we learn starting back in elementary school - DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!

Read More

Surviving Hurricane Irma Sober

Surviving Hurricane Irma Sober

In sobriety, there are many seasons of survival. It’s funny how that word has evolved over time. For many years I was just surviving. Going to sleep at night and waking up to see another day during active addiction was like playing Russian roulette. During early sobriety, I thought, “finally, I am not only surviving, but I am truly living.” I put intention into my days and my actions. I felt grateful for the first time in my life and coping with daily life seemed doable.

Read More

Why We Should Give a F*ck About Overdose Awareness Day

Why We Should Give a F*ck About Overdose Awareness Day

I vaguely remember picking out my outfit and hopping in a cab with my roomies. We got a table outside in the back overlooking the bay and that’s when the lights in my head faded to black. That was basically all I remembered of my 23rd birthday, save a few spotty details from the next morning, and other things my friends told me when I attempted to piece my night together.

Read More

Recovery Gals Art Exchange – Abundance

Recovery Gals Art Exchange – Abundance

It’s that time again, or was that time again, but as with a lot of stuff I am late. I once again had the pleasure of participating in Tammi and Sondra’s Recovery Gals Art Exchange project. This time for the summer solstice, with the theme of abundance. Abundance – a very large quantity of something, the state or condition of having a copious quantity of something; plentifulness

Read More