9 Thoughts A Sober Girl Has At The Club

This past weekend I was in Atlantic City, NJ (the Vegas of the east coast) for my sister's bachelorette party. Because I am the maid of honor, it was up to me to plan the best shindig possible for my bestie. I knew we would be hitting the club and dropping it like it's hot to some sweet house music because I know that's what my sis likes. There wasn't much mental preparation for me going into this sober because I am getting used to the fact that I will never be drinking again. I was excited to get dressed up, hear good music, dance, and have a great time with my sister. We went to a few different clubs and bars, and I had quite a few funny thoughts along the way. From these thoughts I complied a list of 9 thoughts a sober girl has at the club.

1. $25 to get into the club, you must have lost your damn mind.

Holy moly I don't miss spending money like that to get into a nightclub, not to mention the price of drinks. It was great that the only thing I bought all night was one sugar free red bull. Life is much more enjoyable when you don't spend money on a night out.

2. I'm so glad I'm not drinking because leaving the dance floor to get a drink every 10 minutes is such a hassle.

Nobody likes a hassle! And that's what getting a drink is at a big nightclub. I watched my sister and her friends leave the dance floor several times to walk to the bar and get their drinks, while I just held down the fort because  dealing with the hassle wasn't worth it.

3. There aren't many good looking people here.

katt williams gif
katt williams gif

Was I wearing beer goggles for the last 9 years of my life!? Ok in all fairness, maybe it's because we were in Atlantic City and the beautiful people weren't out this weekend? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because the crowd is getting younger and dumber.

4. This music makes me want to blow my brains out.

When you're sober at the club, music is everything! Am I right? When you're drunk you will be singing every song - you don't care what it is. When you're sober you want to hear the good jams. At the first club we went to on Saturday Samantha Ronson was playing, so we were like yea of course it'll be great music, she's a famous DJ woohoo! Oh how wrong we were. She played weird 70's, 80's, old school hip hop smash up weirdness. Cool if you like that I guess, but it was definitely not what we wanted to hear or what we expected. I even had to tweet her and tell her how bad it was AND she wrote me back. Haha. Luckily, we went to a different club afterwards and found a great house DJ trio spinning so we were happy.

5. You're gonna feel like shit tomorrow and I'm not.

Oh man, when you see that one struggling friend that's already losing touch with reality at 12am, or the drunk girl dropping her drink. I find comfort in the fact that the only way I'm going to feel tomorrow is happy and tired.

6. Yes I'm judging your drinking habits.

YES - that thing that all drunks are paranoid about. "Your sober friend is silently judging me." Yes, yes I am. I can't help it. Other sober people know what I'm talking about. You watch others' habits and you know which people are probably problem drinkers and which are not.

7. Not having to wait in the bathroom line is awesome.

I think I went to the bathroom twice the entire night and that is freaking amazing. Not having to wait in those long hellish bathroom lines is a blessing. Go me, go me.

8. Is that what I looked like?

Drunk girl doing shit she doesn't remember. Drunk girl falling. Drunk girl with puke on her dress. Shudder. Ugh, was that me? Is that what I used to look like? Unfortunately, yes.

9. Guys are creepy.

Not all of them, but there are a good amount of creepers at the club. I swear at several points in the night there was a circle of stage 4 creepers closing in on my circle of friends, just watching us dance or trying to talk to us. Ew! Back up dudes. Go do your own thing, we're trying to dance..alone. When I commented about the creepers my friend Ashley said, "They've always been there, you're just now noticing because you're sober." Touché.

The best part about club hopping this weekend was that it brought me back to all the good parts about my old party life. I got to dress up, hang out with my friends, listen to great music, and dance. The icing on the cake was that I remembered everything, spent less money, and there was no hangover involved. A successful bachelorette party for my sister and just another sober weekend for me!