When You're the Only Sober Person at the Party

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When You're the Only Sober Person at the Party

A few weeks ago during one of our Bloom Club classes we discussed sobriety as a lifestyle. For me, I believe this component is essential for successful sobriety. Sobriety isn’t something you can take on and off like a jacket. It’s not something you can keep hidden away as a secret that you only take out in church basements to discuss amongst like-minded people. It must be something that you believe in with your whole heart. It must be something that you’re proud of and that you put first. Otherwise it won’t work. Or it might work, but you may eventually feel like you are leading a double life, that sobriety is a chore, or something to be ashamed of.

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40 Ups & Downs in 4 Years of Sobriety

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40 Ups & Downs in 4 Years of Sobriety

I hope this day in the history of my life is just as important to me 20 years from now, as it is today. It can be a painful memory to recall. No one likes to admit that their life is a mess, that they lost control, or that they cannot moderate their drinking no matter how hard they try. Before May 7, 2013 I worked incredibly hard at making it seem like I had it all together. I had a job, I could pay my rent, I had a boyfriend, I was living in one of the most fabulous cities in the world. Everyone thought I was living the dream, when deep down inside I had a hole in my soul.

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Book Review: Sober Stick Figure by Amber Tozer

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Book Review: Sober Stick Figure by Amber Tozer

Reading literally saved my life. What do I mean by that? I mean when I got sober in 2013 I had a lot of time to myself and the internet was my friend. I read addiction and recovery information, blogs, memoirs, and any other kind of book I could get on my kindle while living in Cancun. I still read as much as I can, but I hardly give reading the attention it deserves on this blog. But that’s going to change. I want to share with all of you books that have made an impact on my life, ones that I couldn’t put down, and ones that I simply enjoyed.

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I Know Nothing About Dating Sober, But Here's My Advice

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I Know Nothing About Dating Sober, But Here's My Advice

I talk about my relationship with my significant other often. I've written countless posts about our love, where we came from and where we are now. I've received many messages, questions, and comments about my relationship with Fer and how we've made it through all the dark times and still have such a strong bond. I've been told that it must have been easier for me to get sober because I had Fer to lean on and help me through it. It's also been difficult for me to give advice about dating in early sobriety, or really dating at all, because I never had to do it since becoming sober. I'm often told I don't understand what it's like to be alone in early sobriety, to be heartbroken, or to have to not date anyone in the first year like so many recovery groups recommend. I share my experience as much as I can and give advice where I can too, but they're right, I don't know what it's like to be without my partner in sobriety. I also don't know what it's like to date someone new and explain to them my past, why I'm sober, and interview them about their drinking habits too. It must be incredibly hard. What I do know about is what kind of relationship works for me.

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I'm Lucky To Be Alive

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I'm Lucky To Be Alive

This week Fer and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary. I love this time of year because there are so many great moments that come about all in a row - my soberversary, our anniversary, and my birthday in a few more weeks. This year we went out for a romantic dinner and during our quiet time together we really reflected on how far we've come in 4 years. We got to talking about how different our relationship was at the beginning - toxic, argumentative, and plagued by drugs and alcohol, jealousy, and anger. In particular, Fer brought up one incident that still haunts both of us today. You may be familiar with the before and after photo that's on my homepage where I have a bandage over my nose. In August of 2012 after a long night of drinking, Fer and I found ourselves in a place we frequented often, an after hours nightclub in the hotel zone of Cancun.

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3 Big Life Lessons Learned in 3 Years of Sobriety

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3 Big Life Lessons Learned in 3 Years of Sobriety

Three years ago today I sat in the Punta Cana, Dominican Republic Airport, alone, weeping, sweating, and with my head pounding. I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. I was so tired of what my life had become. I didn't recognize myself or my life. I'll never really know why that day was the day that my life changed forever, but I know that something inside me shifted that day. Looking back I know it was the culmination of years of binge drinking and abusing my body. It was the the final straw in years of blackouts, tumultuous relationships, and self-loathing. I knew that it couldn't be all there was. I knew deep down inside drinking wasn't fun for me anymore and that it was the only thing that, year after year, kept making my life more chaotic. I knew there had to be more to life than tequila shots, cocaine bumps, and weaseling my way into the VIP section of the nightclubs in Cancun. I wanted so desperately to have a normal life - to sleep peacefully, not pass out, to travel without incorporating a hangover into my plans, to be able to spend time with my family without worrying about what time I could get away and go to the bar.

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Triggers Are Found In The Funniest Of Places

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Triggers Are Found In The Funniest Of Places

This photo brings up a painful memory. A night out that turned into another day without sleep, drugs and alcohol to keep me awake. On my Facebook page this week I asked my followers to give me topic ideas for my blog that they might want to read about. I always like answering questions that my readers ask, or writing about a topic they really want to hear about. One follower suggested a post about triggers. Triggers. I had never really thought much about triggers or considered writing a post about them. I'm not really sure why. So when faced with thinking about triggers, a few thoughts came to mind.

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How To Deal With People Who Aren't Supportive Of Your Sobriety

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How To Deal With People Who Aren't Supportive Of Your Sobriety

I got sober and now everyone should be happy. Look at me, I'm awesome. This shit is hard and I deserve support. Sound familiar? I think we have all gone through this stage at some point in our sobriety. And if you haven't yet, chances are you might.

When I got sober I thought everyone would be happy for me and support me, but that was not the case. Not everyone understood my decision to get sober. Some people's reactions surprised me, some did not, and some just couldn't deal with seeing me sober because that would mean they would need to look at their own drinking and using habits. It's hard not to take these factors personally. It's also hard to believe anyone wouldn't want to support you on making a healthy life decision, like choosing not to use drugs or drink anymore. But it still happens.

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Don't Drink And Drive, Ever

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Don't Drink And Drive, Ever

With the holidays coming up I wanted to touch on an important topic: drinking and driving. I think it becomes a more common occurrence during the holidays when people are attending more parties and events that involve drinking. And chances are if you have issues with alcohol, you've driven drunk at least once. I will be the first to admit that I drove under the influence many times. Luckily, I never got into an accident or hurt anyone. I also never got a DUI, but I did get pulled over once. It was the one time I drove while blacked out and it scared the crap out of me. It was in Pennsylvania when I was in college and a friend and I went to the bar on a weeknight. The small downtown city bars were a 15 minute drive from campus and no one used taxis there. We had no choice but to take a car. I drove, knowing that I would drink at the bar. My excuse was: if I get too drunk we can take a cab home and I'll leave my car. I don't remember making the decision to drive.

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13th Step Jokes Aren't Funny

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13th Step Jokes Aren't Funny

I hate to be a buzzkill, but 13th step jokes aren't funny. The whole 13th step concept is weird, shameful, and tragic. I've always been the person who doesn't think racist jokes are funny, or rape jokes, or any type of sensitive subject that is used as the butt of someone's humor.

Growing up I was the one always telling my peers not to say the "n" word when referring to people of color, or the "f" word to describe gay people. I used to get a lot of weird looks and eye rolls. In college a few friends of mine were on an intramural flag football team they cleverly named, "SDIA" which spelled AIDS backwards. Yes, like the syndrome that is caused by the HIV virus. Why did they pick this name? They were going to "infect" everyone in the league and win all their games. I can't make this shit up folks. I remember when I heard their reasoning and saw their t-shirts I was so angry I cried. How could people be so cruel? Did they not know that AIDS is a deadly disease that has killed millions including someone important in my own family? Obviously not.

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Your Worst Sobriety Fears [Explained In Halloween Gifs]

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Your Worst Sobriety Fears [Explained In Halloween Gifs]

It's that time of the year again! The time when all the ghosts and goblins come out, and people take joy in hiding behind their masks. For those of us who deal with substance abuse disorder, it's not uncommon to hide our true selves behind the masks of our disease. Fear can be paralyzing, especially when it prevents you from enjoying the gifts of sobriety. I know that when I got sober I thought my life was over and I had many overpowering fears that hung over my head like a rain cloud. Since we're in the spooky Halloween spirit, I've complied a list of your worst sobriety fears complete with creepy gifs. Hopefully you'll see just how silly sobriety fears are!

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The Hardest Parts About Being Sober

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The Hardest Parts About Being Sober

I talk sobriety up on here. That's because 99.9% of the time it's amazing and it has definitely transformed my life. I want more people to know how great it is so they can try it themselves. But I wanted to get real for a minute in this post because I want people to know that being sober isn't always easy. Sometimes it can be hard. That's not to say it's impossible or that you shouldn't try this way of life, but just like in life, there are good days and bad. These are the hardest parts about being sober.

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What Recovery Month Means To Me

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What Recovery Month Means To Me

This year I've got two years and a few months of sobriety under my belt. I've done more soul-searching, read more books, written more, and became a proud member of a 12 step group. I guess last year I felt a little disconnected from the recovery movement. I only happened to stumble upon Recovery Month 2014 via a Facebook post and reading the Recovery Month website. I was not yet in a 12 step program and I wondered to myself if I could really call myself a person in "recovery." This year I am 100% sure I am a person in long-term recovery and it's not just because I'm a member of a 12 step fellowship. Over the last year I've involved myself more in the recovery community, especially online. I've shared my story on countless websites and have recently written it for a book that will be a collection of recovery stories. I'm even laying the groundwork for writing my own memoir. What!? I know. I've fully embraced recovery and it's taken me to places I never thought possible.

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The 4 Stages Of Early Sobriety

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The 4 Stages Of Early Sobriety

Lately I've been receiving a ton of messages and emails from my readers about early sobriety. I realize that many of us contemplate sobriety for months, or even years, before we decide to take the leap and make a change. Before we do, we want to know exactly what it's going to be like and what's going to happen when we get sober. I'm sure that's why a lot of you read my blog in the first place. You want to know - is getting sober possible? Is it enjoyable? What is everyday life going to be like? Well, to briefly answer those questions, early sobriety is different from years of sobriety, as I am quickly learning at 2 years and 3.5 months sober. I think early sobriety can easily be broken down into 4 realistic stages which I will detail for you below.

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The Anatomy of a Blackout

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The Anatomy of a Blackout

If you haven't heard of the book, Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank To Forget by Sarah Hepola yet, you've most likely been living under a rock. She has been on all of my favorite recovery podcasts, blog sites, and news sites, (even CNN and NPR!) and I'm not surprised because her book is just as good as all the hype it got.Not only is her storytelling ability and candidness refreshing and captivating, her story is one I can 100% relate to. I found myself thinking at several points in the book, wow, it's like she is taking thoughts out of my brain and writing them in this book. I literally couldn't put the book down. I kept thinking she is me, I am her, we are the same person.

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No Amount of Alcohol is Safe to Drink if You're Pregnant

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No Amount of Alcohol is Safe to Drink if You're Pregnant

No I'm not pregnant! Haha, but I do know several people who are. I recently watched a documentary sent to me by a reader called Moment to Moment: Teens Growing Up With FASDs [Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders]. On the blog I often talk about drinking and how it has affected my life, as well as the widespread consequences caused by addiction. I read a lot about the devastating effects of drugs and alcohol on bodies, the epidemic of overdosing, and the constant suffering experienced by the families of addicts. Something I don't see a lot about when I read about addiction is mothers-to-be who drink while pregnant. Did you know each year 2-5% of all babies born in the U.S. have been affected by their mother's drinking alcohol during pregnancy? I didn't. I also didn't know Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders is the number 1 cause of preventable intellectual disability in the U.S. These are only a couple of facts I learned from watching this documentary. The scary part is some women believe drinking during pregnancy has no effect and others are too wrapped up in their addiction to care. If you're one of them or know one, please take into consideration the devastating effects alcohol could have on your unborn child. Watching this documentary allowed me to see with my own eyes the long-lasting consequences.

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My First International AA Convention Atlanta 2015

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My First International AA Convention Atlanta 2015

As summer is flying by, I had a unique opportunity to join a friend and her mom at the International Convention in Atlanta from July 2 to 5. It worked out perfectly as I was able to celebrate my friend's 1 year soberversary while we were there and speak with her mom, who was one of the first people I messaged on the day I decided to stop drinking. I knew she was in the program and I thought she might have some advice for me. She told me to get a Big Book and that I would live a life beyond my wildest dreams. She was so right. Reminiscing with those gals was enough to make the weekend worth it, but I also attended a bunch of fun meetings too. Let me explain what an International Convention is all about.

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I Drank Alcohol By Accident, Did I Relapse?

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I Drank Alcohol By Accident, Did I Relapse?

s most of you know I've been on vacation in Canada since last week. My trip has been amazingly unforgettable with lots of soccer, culture, food, and memories. I've had experiences that will last a lifetime. I've also had a few traumatizing things happen to me while I was away.

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12 Lessons Learned From the 12 Steps

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12 Lessons Learned From the 12 Steps

I recently finished my first time through the 12 steps. I did this through a local step study class and with my sponsor. I wasn't sure how it was going to go and I think a big reason I avoided attending AA for so long was because of the 4th step where you write down your ugly past and then tell your sponsor about it in step 5. I was terrified. It definitely didn't go how I thought it would and it was not as scary. Plus, I learned a whole lot of other awesome stuff along the way. Here is what I learned during my first time through the 12 steps

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Anonymity in AA and the Age of the Internet

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Anonymity in AA and the Age of the Internet

'm not new to derogatory comments and people who don't agree with me. I learned after the first time my article went viral it's not a good idea to read all the comments. Instead I enjoy the positive emails and messages I receive, while ignoring the negative. After Huffington Post published my article on Monday and shared it on their Facebook page, I got the usual uptick in traffic, email, and messages. One thing was different though. To my surprise, I got about 10 messages from AA-goers who were clearly not happy with me. Apparently my candid mention of "Alcoholics Anonymous" and what its taught me in my 2 year article did not sit well with them. They did not hesitate to tell me their thoughts. Here are a few of the messages:

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