Is Sobriety For Me?

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Is Sobriety For Me?

Sobriety is only for drunks, junkies, and AA-goers. Sobriety is only for people who can’t control their alcohol intake and have no other choice but to quit. Those are the ideas I subscribed to my whole life. I think they are ideas that much of society still subscribes to. Other ideas society perpetuates? If you can’t drink alcohol something is wrong with you. Being called an alcoholic is worse than being called a criminal (or equal to?). Sobriety is lame. Sobriety is dumb. Sobriety is unobtainable. Sobriety is not for me.

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Why I Stopped Attending AA

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Why I Stopped Attending AA

I’ve been avoiding writing this post for a long time. Since May of this year to be exact. I guess the main reason I’ve been avoiding writing about this topic is that I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure if I was actually stopping attending 12 step meetings or not. But it’s been 5 months since I’ve been to a meeting so I figured I would finally address this topic

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Making Amends in Vermont and a Visit To Bill W’s House

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Making Amends in Vermont and a Visit To Bill W’s House

This past week I traveled to Vermont with my family. Vermont is a place I’ve been going to since I was a baby. I have family there and we have a very special house there called Irish Hill Farm – my grandma’s farm to be exact and before her, it belonged to her mother and so on. The house is a symbol of my childhood and reminds me so much of my grandma. Her spirit will live on there forever and her ashes were scattered in the backyard up on the mountain.

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Self-Care Vs. Selfishness In Recovery

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Self-Care Vs. Selfishness In Recovery

I've been wanting to write this post for awhile, but over the last few weeks something else would come up and I would write about a different topic. But this week I'm finally talking about self-care vs. selfishness in recovery - two very important, albeit different concepts. They are often confused and it's not unusual for a person to use self-care as a reason for doing something, but actually be coming from a selfish place, or vice versa. So, what's the difference between self-care and selfishness and why are both relevant to recovery?

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7 Things I Learned At My First ICYPAA

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7 Things I Learned At My First ICYPAA

Do you ever feel like you were just destined to be friends with someone? You meet and it's not weird at all. It's like you've known each other for years. It's a rare quality in a friendship and I got to experience it this past weekend. I finally met my online friend Beth after catfishing her for a year and a half (I kid.) Our paths crossed in the rarest of circumstances. We both wrote about our sobriety and our posts both got picked up by the Huffington Post in May of 2014. We both wrote each other emails and discovered we shared the same sobriety date. Just like that we became friends. We started talking, texting, and snapchatting daily. A year and a half later, I finally met her in the flesh and blood when she came to Florida last week. Beth came down to go to ICYPAA - the International Conference for Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous and I went with her.

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My First International AA Convention Atlanta 2015

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My First International AA Convention Atlanta 2015

As summer is flying by, I had a unique opportunity to join a friend and her mom at the International Convention in Atlanta from July 2 to 5. It worked out perfectly as I was able to celebrate my friend's 1 year soberversary while we were there and speak with her mom, who was one of the first people I messaged on the day I decided to stop drinking. I knew she was in the program and I thought she might have some advice for me. She told me to get a Big Book and that I would live a life beyond my wildest dreams. She was so right. Reminiscing with those gals was enough to make the weekend worth it, but I also attended a bunch of fun meetings too. Let me explain what an International Convention is all about.

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12 Lessons Learned From the 12 Steps

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12 Lessons Learned From the 12 Steps

I recently finished my first time through the 12 steps. I did this through a local step study class and with my sponsor. I wasn't sure how it was going to go and I think a big reason I avoided attending AA for so long was because of the 4th step where you write down your ugly past and then tell your sponsor about it in step 5. I was terrified. It definitely didn't go how I thought it would and it was not as scary. Plus, I learned a whole lot of other awesome stuff along the way. Here is what I learned during my first time through the 12 steps

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Anonymity in AA and the Age of the Internet

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Anonymity in AA and the Age of the Internet

'm not new to derogatory comments and people who don't agree with me. I learned after the first time my article went viral it's not a good idea to read all the comments. Instead I enjoy the positive emails and messages I receive, while ignoring the negative. After Huffington Post published my article on Monday and shared it on their Facebook page, I got the usual uptick in traffic, email, and messages. One thing was different though. To my surprise, I got about 10 messages from AA-goers who were clearly not happy with me. Apparently my candid mention of "Alcoholics Anonymous" and what its taught me in my 2 year article did not sit well with them. They did not hesitate to tell me their thoughts. Here are a few of the messages:

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Two Years Without Alcohol

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Two Years Without Alcohol

If anyone can possibly believe it, it's been a whole year since I wrote my infamous One Year Without Alcohol blog. The one that gave me internet fame, a platform to talk about my sobriety, and propelled my writing career. It was the first time I outed myself as a sober person. I was terrified and relieved at the same time. Who knew that getting the crazy thoughts out of my head and into a blog would resonate with so many people? I sure didn't, but I'm glad it did. Now here I am 2 years sober. On May 6, 2013 I took my last drink. Since then my life has done a complete 360. I am a different person. Here is what I've learned so far.

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10 Name Concepts For Your Own Higher Power

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10 Name Concepts For Your Own Higher Power

Now that I've been attending AA for about 5 months and I'm working the 12 steps, I've had to explore the concept of a higher power. Like I've mentioned in my previous posts, anything with the word God attached to it used to make me cringe. I would run far far away from whatever it was. Organized religion and the word "God" still don't sit right with me, but what I love about AA is that it has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with spirituality.

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Serenity Interrupted: When an Addict Comes to a Meeting High

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Serenity Interrupted: When an Addict Comes to a Meeting High

This post is kind of a bummer. There have been two times in the past few months where drunk men came into our women's AA meeting that I attend during the week. Each time it was handled with calmness and grace. It was clear that even as a women's meeting, we would never turn away an alcoholic in need of a meeting. Both times I felt a bit awkward, but not uncomfortable and overall I felt that the men enjoyed the meetings. One of them even wrote us a letter that a member read out loud the following week. He thanked us for our kindness and he said he was getting help. No harm, no foul.

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Acceptance Is The Answer...For Dealing With 6 Knee Surgeries

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Acceptance Is The Answer...For Dealing With 6 Knee Surgeries

I've had a million ideas for blog posts and website redesigns for my site lately and I've been feeling guilty for not putting the time and attention I want into it. I blame it mostly on more self-care and homework I'm doing for my AA step study group. Excuses aside, I pushed my topic ideas to the back to write about something more pressing that's on my mind. Next Thursday, a week from today I'll be having my sixth knee surgery. Yes, you read that correctly, 6 knee surgeries. As I've mentioned in previous blog posts, my favorite sport in the world is soccer, and although I almost love it more than life itself, it has provided me with quite a few injuries along the way. I have what's known as the curse of the ACL injury and I'm sure if you've played soccer sometime in your life, you know about this injury. It has haunted me since the age of 16. My most recent injury isn't an ACL tear, so I feel like I should be thankful. This time around, I tore my medial meniscus in my left knee. Also in there is a cyst and a random piece hanging off of my patellar tendon. So next week I'll go under the knife for the 6th time and undergo an arthroscopy to fix these 3 small issues. Obviously, I won't be able to play soccer or do much of anything for a while following the surgery. Approximately 6-12 weeks without soccer, but who's counting?

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High Bottom Drunks vs. Low Bottom Drunks: Who's Worse?

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High Bottom Drunks vs. Low Bottom Drunks: Who's Worse?

Most high bottom drunks believe getting sober and programs like AA aren't for them because they picture a room full of criminal addicts who are old, scary, and dangerous. I know this to be true because it was a silly prejudice I held about the rooms. It's funny what your brain will tell you. Mine told me, "But, I'm not like them. I'm not that bad. I didn't kill anyone. I didn't get a DUI. I still graduated college and got a good job." By achieving goals, acting like you're keeping it together, and hiding your fears about whether or not your drinking is out of control, it's easy to convince yourself life is normal and drinking wine 4 times a week is only a stress-reliever. Their alcohol abuse may continue until some sort of alcohol-related crisis occurs.

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I'm An Alcoholic And You Might Be Too

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I'm An Alcoholic And You Might Be Too

Dun dun dun!!! I know, I wrote a blog just a few months back questioning whether or not I was an alcoholic and I told you all that labels don't really matter. Although I still don't believe the label is required, I do think I wasn't being 100% honest with myself. So I'm here to say that ...My name is Kelly and I'm an ALCOHOLIC!!

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Alcoholism, A Spiritual Sickness

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Alcoholism, A Spiritual Sickness

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality. The concept of spirituality is new to me. I didn't grow up in any type of church or religion and most of the time I consider myself to be borderline atheist. I guess I always associate religion with God and those two things have caused so much fighting and heartache in the world, I never understood people's deep connection to it. Spirituality wasn't something I ever thought about in the past or even considered for myself. I assumed it wasn't for me.

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My First Face-To-Face AA Meeting

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My First Face-To-Face AA Meeting

No hell didn't freeze over!! but... Last night, I finally - after 1 year, 5 months, and 14 days sober - attended my first face-to-face AA meeting. It hasn't been a secret that my thoughts about AA have been a bit wishy-washy. When I first got sober I attended some online AA meetings and I just felt really out of touch. People in the online rooms always told me that I wouldn't get or stay sober if I didn't go to f-2-f meetings, believe in a higher power, work the steps, or get a sponsor. I didn't want to be told what to do or how to do it and I left the online meetings and email chains and never looked back. I have to admit I had a bad taste in my mouth about AA. I also consider myself agnostic and couldn't relate to the faith based mentions of God in AA, as well as surrendering yourself to being powerless against alcohol. Naturally, I avoided AA. I had friends and family tell me I should go and in the back of my mind I thought maybe I will one day, but until yesterday I had never made time for it.

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Am I an Alcoholic?

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Am I an Alcoholic?

Dun dun dun.... the dreaded question. Well I know it's not so dreaded for some of you. Some of you already know that you are alcoholics or addicts and have become empowered by accepting this fact.Me on the other hand, I am still struggling with these labels. Maybe it's because I don't attend AA and I'm not forced to get in front of a group and say out loud every day, "My name is Kelly and I'm an alcoholic" or maybe I'm still in denial.

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How I Got Sober

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How I Got Sober

I've been receiving many messages and emails asking what I did to get sober.  Many people have asked me if I've gone to AA or if I followed a certain step program or went to treatment.  My answer might shock some.  I have done none of the above. My answer is I have no sobriety secret or fool proof way to get and stay sober.  I only know what worked and didn't work for me.  I was not physically dependent on alcohol, therefore detox was not necessary for me.  Although even if I was, in my circumstances I think I was determined and willing to deal with sobriety on my own. (This is not recommended for those who need detox.  Do not endanger your health!)

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