A Spiritual Experience Is Messy

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A Spiritual Experience Is Messy

I have always been a girl with an imagination. It’s a blessing and a curse really. I hate scary movies because if I believe it’s possible that it could happen in real life, it becomes too real for my consciousness. Until I was old enough to truly separate imaginary from reality, life was full of fear, but also overwhelming possibility. I remember being crushed when I found out Santa Claus wasn’t real. I remember using the Ouija board to communicate with my dead relatives at the age of 12. Call me crazy, but deep down inside even as a child, I felt intuitively special. I felt in touch with my inner voice. My sister and I still joke around about how I said I had psychic abilities because there were times when I would predict the phone would ring before it did.

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When Gratitude Feels Overwhelming

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When Gratitude Feels Overwhelming

Grateful. Gratitude. Thankful. These are words we hear often in the English language, especially in November. But also in recovery. And there are good reasons for both of these phenomena. Gratitude is empowering and wonderful and it can change your outlook on life. Many argue it should be a daily practice, whether you’re in recovery or not.

Growing up I was the opposite of grateful. I felt entitled. I felt like I deserved certain things and I think this was because of the hand I’d been dealt throughout the years. Bad luck, surgeries, trauma, hardships. The least the world could do was give me what I deserved right?

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4.5 Years Ago Wasn’t Different, It Was More of the Same

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4.5 Years Ago Wasn’t Different, It Was More of the Same

The last night I drank I was on a girls trip at a beautiful all-inclusive resort in sunny Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. It was my first time in the country and what a memorable time it would be. Now it’s officially the place I had my last sip of alcohol. That weekend in May of 2013 is something I’ve gone over in my head about a million and one times now.

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When You're the Only Sober Person at the Party

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When You're the Only Sober Person at the Party

A few weeks ago during one of our Bloom Club classes we discussed sobriety as a lifestyle. For me, I believe this component is essential for successful sobriety. Sobriety isn’t something you can take on and off like a jacket. It’s not something you can keep hidden away as a secret that you only take out in church basements to discuss amongst like-minded people. It must be something that you believe in with your whole heart. It must be something that you’re proud of and that you put first. Otherwise it won’t work. Or it might work, but you may eventually feel like you are leading a double life, that sobriety is a chore, or something to be ashamed of.

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Why I Stopped Attending AA

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Why I Stopped Attending AA

I’ve been avoiding writing this post for a long time. Since May of this year to be exact. I guess the main reason I’ve been avoiding writing about this topic is that I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure if I was actually stopping attending 12 step meetings or not. But it’s been 5 months since I’ve been to a meeting so I figured I would finally address this topic

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Building Walls Keeps Out the Bad and the Good

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Building Walls Keeps Out the Bad and the Good

I’ve had a complicated past with friendships. I know this is hard to believe for many of you who know me now, but it used to be difficult for me to make friends. Growing up I had several tight-knit friendships with a few different girls, each one dying out on its own, but that separation was always hard for me to accept. In 6th grade I even signed up for a “how to make friends” course with my school guidance counselor, on a recommendation from my mother. In 8th grade I finally found a group of girls who would become my best friends, some of them I knew earlier than that from soccer and elementary school, but we solidified as a group at the end of middle school. They made my days brighter and we vowed to be friends for life.

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The Yearning To Be A Normie

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The Yearning To Be A Normie

One thing I felt so much of in early sobriety was remorse. As if we already don’t feel shitty enough because of the things we did while drinking and using drugs, those of us who quit drinking feel shame and guilt for doing so. If we say the word “alcoholic,” if we admit we are out of control, if we say we can’t drink anymore, we are automatically looked down upon. We are encouraged to stay anonymous for fear of rejection and stigma. So, is it any surprise that when I got sober I felt defeated? Inept? Like a failure? I felt like I couldn’t do something everyone else was doing - drink normally.

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Sobriety Gives Me Choices

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Sobriety Gives Me Choices

As soon as the vodka hit my lips, I knew. The rush of excitement and feelings of the unknown would hit me. I just never knew what might happen. I could meet the love of my life, I could end up in a crazy situation, I could not remember any of it, I could have the best night of my life or the worst! I threw caution to the wind. Do most people feel this way when they drink? Maybe sometimes, but I don’t think it’s why they drink.

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32 Rotations Around The Sun

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32 Rotations Around The Sun

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about my birthday and I’m sure it won’t be the last, but this one feels different. I don’t feel like I’m searching for the life lessons I’ve learned or things that have gotten me through this last year of life. This isn’t a pep talk. I’m not anxiety-ridden like I was before my 30th birthday.

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Why I Don't Hate 2016 And You Shouldn't Either

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Why I Don't Hate 2016 And You Shouldn't Either

Ok, I've already heard all I need to about the year 2016. Everyone is coming out with their yearly reflections, New Year's resolutions, and hate-filled posts about how shitty this past year was. I won't lie to you, 2016 was the pits. Personally, I don't think it was a horrible year in comparison to other years I've lived through in my life. But for the world, for the U.S. government, and for ideas and morals like love and tolerance, we've been knocked down once again. I could sit here and list all the shitty things that happened in 2016.

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Every Day is Christmas When You're in Recovery

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Every Day is Christmas When You're in Recovery

Wow, this year was a whirlwind, but I won't go into all that right now. I'll save that talk for next week when I'm reflecting on a new year coming up. This week I wanted to talk about the holidays. I've already offered practical advice for staying sober during the holidays, how Christmas is much different for me now that I'm sober, and why you should be grateful in recovery. I have to stop and think about how when I drank I always wanted it to be some other day of the year. I was always waiting, for the next party, the next happy hour, the next bag of cocaine, the next birthday, the next celebration, or the next holiday. It was a waiting game.

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10 Non-Alcoholic Holiday Drinks To Enjoy That Aren't Mocktails

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10 Non-Alcoholic Holiday Drinks To Enjoy That Aren't Mocktails

The holiday season is in full swing and you're probably being bombarded by holiday party invitations, ads that include Christmas cocktails and wine bingeing, and if you're really lucky, a secret Santa gift that includes some sort of drinking paraphernalia. Ah, it ain't easy being sober folks. But that's why I'm here to give you some seasonal drink ideas to cure your "Am I the only one who doesn't drink?" feeling.

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Election Reflections: Sobriety Is Hard Today

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Election Reflections: Sobriety Is Hard Today

For the first time in a very long time, I want to drink today. Let me clarify, I am not drinking, but I have thought about it. I have wished that I could. I wish that I could quiet my anxiety, my fears, and my grief with mind-numbing ease. It used to be so simple. Let me give you a fair warning that this post will include many of my political views so if you do not agree, you don't have to read the rest of this post. Oh I am angry. I am hurting. I woke up with chest pains because I knew. When I went to bed last night the unspeakable was happening.

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Are Curious Elixirs The Future Of Partying Sober?

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Are Curious Elixirs The Future Of Partying Sober?

When I got sober I wanted to blend in. I wanted to still be at all the parties and nightclubs and still socialize like I was so used to doing. But when you're used to having alcohol in your hand at all times, how do you make that switch? At first, I had water, sparkling water, or soda in hand at all times. Over the last 3.5 years, I've evolved and I don't go out as much, but the feeling of being included at a bar, restaurant, event, or any other place where alcohol is being served is still a desire. I think this is one of the main fears and hurdles of getting sober.

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How To Ask For Help When You Don't Want To

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How To Ask For Help When You Don't Want To

Asking for help is something no one ever wants to do. Especially when it comes to addiction. For me, it has always been hard to ask for help. My ego has always been in the way. Growing up I was scared I would look stupid in school if I asked questions everyone already knew the answer to. It was one of my biggest fears and it led to me getting behind in some subjects because I wouldn't speak up when I didn't understand. I was terrified of looking and feeling stupid because then I would believe that I really was stupid.

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Being Open About Sobriety Got Me An Award

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Being Open About Sobriety Got Me An Award

This week I had the pleasure of attending the Moments of Change conference that comes to Palm Beach, Florida each year via the Foundations Recovery Network. I arrived at the beautiful Breakers Resort on Sunday and stayed until Tuesday. I've attended in past years and always look forward to listening, learning, and networking with people in in the treatment and recovery industry.

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When You Become An Inspiration By Accident

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When You Become An Inspiration By Accident

Did you know that during the first four months of this blog's existence I was too scared to write a post about sobriety? You can go back to the beginning and see for yourself. Even though the name of this blog was always Sober Señorita, I wasn't sure how to go about addressing the "sober" part. For the first few months, I concentrated on the señorita part, talking about my life in Cancun, my experiences living as an American girl in Mexico, and how very different it all was. If I'm honest I didn't talk about my sobriety because, 1. I wasn't 100 percent positive I was going to stay sober and 2. I didn't know what to say about it.

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5 Unusual Things That Keep Me Sober

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5 Unusual Things That Keep Me Sober

After a few conversations last week with fellow sober women including my sponsee, I got to thinking, there are some absurd things that keep me sober. There are a lot of things that keep me sober: my recovery program, exercise, my health, my relationship, and being an aunt to my nephews, just to name a few. But the following reasons are somewhat untraditional and it’s possible not everyone can relate. In sobriety everyone has their own story, that’s what makes it so important that everyone shares their experience, strength, and hope. On some days here are the absurd things that keep me sober.

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