When Love Changes, Change With It

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When Love Changes, Change With It

When you've got the geographical cure for addiction like I did, chances are you've made memories all over the globe. I've lived in several different cities and as most of you know, Cancun, Mexico, is one of them. Fer and I have been here for the last week searching for our wedding venue. I've got a ton of memories wrapped up in this little tourist destination and not all of them are good. But seasons change and so do feelings. I've resented a lot of places where bad memories occurred: my college campus, Ocean City, Maryland, Baltimore, Punta Cana, the list goes on. The bad memories are always connected to one thing: drinking. Some of these places I ended up hating for awhile, but my anger was always misplaced. I think it was part of my defense mechanism - get angry at the place or the substance, but not at my actions or addiction.

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In Sobriety, Ordinary Life Becomes Extraordinary

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In Sobriety, Ordinary Life Becomes Extraordinary

On January 30 at 11:01 p.m. my sister gave birth to her first child, my nephew Kieran Martinez. A few months back she had asked me to be in the room with her during the birth along with my mom, her husband, and his mom. My first reaction was, "Oh shit." This was a big deal. I was honored that my sister wanted me there for her on such a special day, but I was terrified. Medical procedures like drawing blood, needles, or anything involving bodily fluids generally makes me queasy. I had quite a few months to think about this task that laid ahead of me, but there wasn't much I could do to prepare. I just made up my mind that I would be there for as long as she needed me and do what I could to be there for her in the moment. As soon as I walked into her hospital room she was happy to see me. She was in pain and it was difficult to see someone I love so much in such high levels of pain. My brother-in-law and I took turns holding her hand and coaching her through her contractions as the hours drug on. I tried to apply the tools I had learned in sobriety to this situation.

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Triggers Are Found In The Funniest Of Places

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Triggers Are Found In The Funniest Of Places

This photo brings up a painful memory. A night out that turned into another day without sleep, drugs and alcohol to keep me awake. On my Facebook page this week I asked my followers to give me topic ideas for my blog that they might want to read about. I always like answering questions that my readers ask, or writing about a topic they really want to hear about. One follower suggested a post about triggers. Triggers. I had never really thought much about triggers or considered writing a post about them. I'm not really sure why. So when faced with thinking about triggers, a few thoughts came to mind.

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Why Addiction Recovery and CrossFit Are Basically The Same Thing

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Why Addiction Recovery and CrossFit Are Basically The Same Thing

Most of you know that I'm into fitness. I'm a lifelong soccer player and after getting sober, I started doing CrossFit. I wasn't sure CrossFit would be something I would stick with and after letting it go last year when I hurt my knee I never thought I'd pick it back up. A girl I play soccer with encouraged me to go to her CrossFit facility and give it a shot after I started playing again, following my sixth knee surgery. I was bored with the regular gym, feeling heavy and out of shape, and just could never get a hard enough workout in. I decided to give CrossFit another shot and I'm so glad I did! Now I try to go at least 4-5 times a week and it's the best workout I've ever had apart from preseason soccer in college.

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My Favorite Addiction Recovery Podcasts

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My Favorite Addiction Recovery Podcasts

Happy 2016 everyone! Blogs are fun to read, but there's also another great way to get information, "read" a book, or in this case, get recovery inspiration, and that's by listening to a podcast. It's my duty on this blog to share my own experience, as well as what works for me. When I'm doing a long day of writing, or traveling in the car, or even laying out by the pool, many times you can catch me listening to recovery podcasts. I've put together a list of my favorites so you can enjoy them too.

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7 Realistic Resolutions For The New Year

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7 Realistic Resolutions For The New Year

I cannot believe 2015 is basically over! This year flew by. Here we are on another 31st of the year, thinking about what the next year will bring. They tell you when you get sober that "you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams" and I have come to truly believe this is true. 2015 was a year full of amazing events, travels, lessons, and emotions for me. I look back and I can't believe I actually packed so much stuff into one year!

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I Loved The Holidays For All The Wrong Reasons, Then I Got Sober

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I Loved The Holidays For All The Wrong Reasons, Then I Got Sober

Growing up, and until a little over 2 years ago, Christmas to me meant: money, gifts, free stuff, and reasons to drink. For me the holidays were about myself and greed. I looked forward to nights out at the bar with friends who were home, and cheap holiday drink specials. I used to spend weeks making my extensive Christmas list and sending it to my mom with the many things I wanted and was convinced I earned. When I didn't receive what I asked for I would get angry and feel gypped.

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Gifts Of Sobriety: My Engagement

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Gifts Of Sobriety: My Engagement

I'm ENGAGED! It's still SO weird to say those words out loud. Last Sunday, December 13, 2015 - my partner of 3.5 years who I've written about many times, asked me to marry him! I was 100% completely caught off guard in that moment. I say in that moment, because Fer and I have been talking about marriage for awhile. We knew our relationship was headed in that direction. In the last few months we went ring shopping a few times and I tried on some diamonds. He knew exactly what style I wanted, but the rest was up to him. I wanted to believe it would happen soon because the shopping was so fun and it made it kind of real, but I didn't really know how or when he planned to ask.

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Where's Your Human Compassion?

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Where's Your Human Compassion?

In writing this post I have to say I've been feeling a little distraught lately, a little disappointed in humanity. It's nothing new that the world is filled with tragedy and as always, I follow the news and politics pretty closely. But lately it has gotten pretty intense. With the mass shooting in San Bernardino and the terrorist attack in Paris, fear is at an all time high and it seems like this allows hate to creep in. It's not only the violence that bothers me, but the reactions of some people afterwards.

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How To Deal With People Who Aren't Supportive Of Your Sobriety

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How To Deal With People Who Aren't Supportive Of Your Sobriety

I got sober and now everyone should be happy. Look at me, I'm awesome. This shit is hard and I deserve support. Sound familiar? I think we have all gone through this stage at some point in our sobriety. And if you haven't yet, chances are you might.

When I got sober I thought everyone would be happy for me and support me, but that was not the case. Not everyone understood my decision to get sober. Some people's reactions surprised me, some did not, and some just couldn't deal with seeing me sober because that would mean they would need to look at their own drinking and using habits. It's hard not to take these factors personally. It's also hard to believe anyone wouldn't want to support you on making a healthy life decision, like choosing not to use drugs or drink anymore. But it still happens.

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Don't Drink And Drive, Ever

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Don't Drink And Drive, Ever

With the holidays coming up I wanted to touch on an important topic: drinking and driving. I think it becomes a more common occurrence during the holidays when people are attending more parties and events that involve drinking. And chances are if you have issues with alcohol, you've driven drunk at least once. I will be the first to admit that I drove under the influence many times. Luckily, I never got into an accident or hurt anyone. I also never got a DUI, but I did get pulled over once. It was the one time I drove while blacked out and it scared the crap out of me. It was in Pennsylvania when I was in college and a friend and I went to the bar on a weeknight. The small downtown city bars were a 15 minute drive from campus and no one used taxis there. We had no choice but to take a car. I drove, knowing that I would drink at the bar. My excuse was: if I get too drunk we can take a cab home and I'll leave my car. I don't remember making the decision to drive.

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The Only Way To Deal With Pain Is To Go Through It

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The Only Way To Deal With Pain Is To Go Through It

Have you ever had one of those days when everything seems to be going wrong and you just feel like you can't get out of your funk? It doesn't take much for me to get into that mindset of "why me?" and "life isn't fair." I had one of those days this week.

I've been having stomach issues off and on for the last year. I saw a gastroenterologist in June and was prescribed some antibiotics that gave me some short-term relief and I continued on with the mindset that the issues would just go away. When they didn't, I finally decided to head back to the doctor and that appointment was this week. They told me I needed to schedule a colonoscopy to make sure it's nothing serious and that I should cut dairy out of my diet. It could be that I developed a lactose intolerance. Or it could be something else like Irritable Bowel Syndrome (ugh). Not only did I get this news, but the doctor also gave me a speech I've heard one too many times. He told me I needed to do some "soul-searching" about playing soccer after 6 knee surgeries and what impact that could have on my health and future.

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13th Step Jokes Aren't Funny

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13th Step Jokes Aren't Funny

I hate to be a buzzkill, but 13th step jokes aren't funny. The whole 13th step concept is weird, shameful, and tragic. I've always been the person who doesn't think racist jokes are funny, or rape jokes, or any type of sensitive subject that is used as the butt of someone's humor.

Growing up I was the one always telling my peers not to say the "n" word when referring to people of color, or the "f" word to describe gay people. I used to get a lot of weird looks and eye rolls. In college a few friends of mine were on an intramural flag football team they cleverly named, "SDIA" which spelled AIDS backwards. Yes, like the syndrome that is caused by the HIV virus. Why did they pick this name? They were going to "infect" everyone in the league and win all their games. I can't make this shit up folks. I remember when I heard their reasoning and saw their t-shirts I was so angry I cried. How could people be so cruel? Did they not know that AIDS is a deadly disease that has killed millions including someone important in my own family? Obviously not.

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Your Worst Sobriety Fears [Explained In Halloween Gifs]

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Your Worst Sobriety Fears [Explained In Halloween Gifs]

It's that time of the year again! The time when all the ghosts and goblins come out, and people take joy in hiding behind their masks. For those of us who deal with substance abuse disorder, it's not uncommon to hide our true selves behind the masks of our disease. Fear can be paralyzing, especially when it prevents you from enjoying the gifts of sobriety. I know that when I got sober I thought my life was over and I had many overpowering fears that hung over my head like a rain cloud. Since we're in the spooky Halloween spirit, I've complied a list of your worst sobriety fears complete with creepy gifs. Hopefully you'll see just how silly sobriety fears are!

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Why It's So Hard To Ask For Help With An Addiction

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Why It's So Hard To Ask For Help With An Addiction

The question I am most often asked on here is this: how did you do it? How did you get sober? It seems like such a simple question, but the answer is complex. For some people struggling for years with addiction, I'm sure loved ones and significant others are always asking the question, "why now?" in terms of getting sober. I know that I was in dark place for a few years and asking for help never occurred to me. So how do we get to that point? Why is it so hard to ask for help with an addiction? Here are some reasons why I think it's difficult.

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The Hardest Parts About Being Sober

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The Hardest Parts About Being Sober

I talk sobriety up on here. That's because 99.9% of the time it's amazing and it has definitely transformed my life. I want more people to know how great it is so they can try it themselves. But I wanted to get real for a minute in this post because I want people to know that being sober isn't always easy. Sometimes it can be hard. That's not to say it's impossible or that you shouldn't try this way of life, but just like in life, there are good days and bad. These are the hardest parts about being sober.

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Why Storytelling Is The LifeBlood Of Recovery - Book Download

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Why Storytelling Is The LifeBlood Of Recovery - Book Download

What is it about stories that make us feel alive? It’s not just in the recovery community; stories are all the rage in marketing and advertising too. It’s the human condition – we yearn for someone to understand us. We feel safer buying from brands that we connect with. If we see others like us doing something, we realize we can do it too. Hearing people talk openly and honestly about their struggles and successes makes them real, relatable, and feasible. It’s that powerful phrase of relief we desire to utter, or have others say back to us, “me too.” There is almost nothing worse than feeling like the only one – the dread of loneliness that so often engulfs those in the throes of addiction, trauma, or abuse. It should be no surprise that sharing a recovery story can change or save a life, or plant the seed of evolution in a complete stranger.

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Why I'm Going To Unite To Face Addiction On October 4

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Why I'm Going To Unite To Face Addiction On October 4

Unite to Face Addiction is a big rally on the National Mall in Washington D.C. set to take place on Sunday, October 4, from 4 to 8 p.m. The event will include musical performances from Steven Tyler, The Goo Goo Dolls, Sheryl Crow, The Fray, and many others. Additionally, there will be recovery advocates from across the country and inspirational speakers whose lives have been touched by addiction in some way. The goal of Unite To Face Addiction is to bring awareness and new solutions to the addiction crisis in America.

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What Recovery Month Means To Me

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What Recovery Month Means To Me

This year I've got two years and a few months of sobriety under my belt. I've done more soul-searching, read more books, written more, and became a proud member of a 12 step group. I guess last year I felt a little disconnected from the recovery movement. I only happened to stumble upon Recovery Month 2014 via a Facebook post and reading the Recovery Month website. I was not yet in a 12 step program and I wondered to myself if I could really call myself a person in "recovery." This year I am 100% sure I am a person in long-term recovery and it's not just because I'm a member of a 12 step fellowship. Over the last year I've involved myself more in the recovery community, especially online. I've shared my story on countless websites and have recently written it for a book that will be a collection of recovery stories. I'm even laying the groundwork for writing my own memoir. What!? I know. I've fully embraced recovery and it's taken me to places I never thought possible.

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7 Things I Learned At My First ICYPAA

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7 Things I Learned At My First ICYPAA

Do you ever feel like you were just destined to be friends with someone? You meet and it's not weird at all. It's like you've known each other for years. It's a rare quality in a friendship and I got to experience it this past weekend. I finally met my online friend Beth after catfishing her for a year and a half (I kid.) Our paths crossed in the rarest of circumstances. We both wrote about our sobriety and our posts both got picked up by the Huffington Post in May of 2014. We both wrote each other emails and discovered we shared the same sobriety date. Just like that we became friends. We started talking, texting, and snapchatting daily. A year and a half later, I finally met her in the flesh and blood when she came to Florida last week. Beth came down to go to ICYPAA - the International Conference for Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous and I went with her.

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