I Know Nothing About Dating Sober, But Here's My Advice

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I Know Nothing About Dating Sober, But Here's My Advice

I talk about my relationship with my significant other often. I've written countless posts about our love, where we came from and where we are now. I've received many messages, questions, and comments about my relationship with Fer and how we've made it through all the dark times and still have such a strong bond. I've been told that it must have been easier for me to get sober because I had Fer to lean on and help me through it. It's also been difficult for me to give advice about dating in early sobriety, or really dating at all, because I never had to do it since becoming sober. I'm often told I don't understand what it's like to be alone in early sobriety, to be heartbroken, or to have to not date anyone in the first year like so many recovery groups recommend. I share my experience as much as I can and give advice where I can too, but they're right, I don't know what it's like to be without my partner in sobriety. I also don't know what it's like to date someone new and explain to them my past, why I'm sober, and interview them about their drinking habits too. It must be incredibly hard. What I do know about is what kind of relationship works for me.

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Running for Recovery on June 4

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Running for Recovery on June 4

Last year I wrote about an important event called the Heroes in Recovery 6k. I completed the race in South Florida and was able to share my story of recovery while I was there. It was later published on their website. The Heroes in Recovery 6k was emotional for me last year. It was the first race I ran for recovery. It was the first race I ran that I really felt was for me. That I was part of these 23 million people who thrive in recovery, that we really are completing heroic acts, just by living in recovery from our addictions. I was amongst my people and running that race with the support of my sister and brother-in-law really moved me. I suppose it will be just as emotional for me this year. This year I am 3 years sober and in a little better shape physically (last year I was just coming back from my knee surgery!)

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I'm Lucky To Be Alive

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I'm Lucky To Be Alive

This week Fer and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary. I love this time of year because there are so many great moments that come about all in a row - my soberversary, our anniversary, and my birthday in a few more weeks. This year we went out for a romantic dinner and during our quiet time together we really reflected on how far we've come in 4 years. We got to talking about how different our relationship was at the beginning - toxic, argumentative, and plagued by drugs and alcohol, jealousy, and anger. In particular, Fer brought up one incident that still haunts both of us today. You may be familiar with the before and after photo that's on my homepage where I have a bandage over my nose. In August of 2012 after a long night of drinking, Fer and I found ourselves in a place we frequented often, an after hours nightclub in the hotel zone of Cancun.

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3 Big Life Lessons Learned in 3 Years of Sobriety

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3 Big Life Lessons Learned in 3 Years of Sobriety

Three years ago today I sat in the Punta Cana, Dominican Republic Airport, alone, weeping, sweating, and with my head pounding. I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. I was so tired of what my life had become. I didn't recognize myself or my life. I'll never really know why that day was the day that my life changed forever, but I know that something inside me shifted that day. Looking back I know it was the culmination of years of binge drinking and abusing my body. It was the the final straw in years of blackouts, tumultuous relationships, and self-loathing. I knew that it couldn't be all there was. I knew deep down inside drinking wasn't fun for me anymore and that it was the only thing that, year after year, kept making my life more chaotic. I knew there had to be more to life than tequila shots, cocaine bumps, and weaseling my way into the VIP section of the nightclubs in Cancun. I wanted so desperately to have a normal life - to sleep peacefully, not pass out, to travel without incorporating a hangover into my plans, to be able to spend time with my family without worrying about what time I could get away and go to the bar.

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My First Sober Cruise

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My First Sober Cruise

Last weekend a wonderful friend of mine got married to her one and only. I was invited to be a part of her wedding party as a bridesmaid, and Fer and I were invited to join the wedding guests on the cruise that followed the wedding. We love any excuse to travel so of course we said yes to the cruise. The wedding was held aboard the Carnival Conquest at Port Everglades in Fort Lauderdale and the ship took off shortly after the reception ended.

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Girl Writes Defamatory Article About Blogger, Claims She is Pro-Woman

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Girl Writes Defamatory Article About Blogger, Claims She is Pro-Woman

Micaiah Bilger - "Writer" for Life News - Anti-woman/Anti-Abortion Website Last week I published an article on Ravishly about my abortion that I had 6 months before I got sober in 2012. I wrote straight from the heart on how this procedure was the turning point in my life, leading me to sobriety, and ultimately changing my life forever. I did this for many reasons. One, because writing is therapeutic for me, two because in living my most authentic life I must tell my stories, and three, to normalize a procedure that 1 in 3 women gets in her lifetime, showing the incredible importance of a woman's right to choose. My abortion was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make and I wouldn't wish that decision on anyone. However, it's important for women like me to tell our stories because in a time like now where Republican lawmakers are restricting access to abortion, our world can quickly become a very dangerous place for women - one like my mother saw when she was growing up, where abortion was illegal and women resorted to throwing themselves down the stairs or using a coat hanger to give themselves an abortion.

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Gifts of Sobriety: A New Job

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Gifts of Sobriety: A New Job

For me, employment has always been about making money and getting by. During my drinking years I knew I needed a job to pay for things like rent, booze, and drugs, and to convince my friends and family that my life was manageable. I never really gave thought to my future, my "career," or what kind of job would actually make me happy. It wasn't until I randomly got my first writing job in Cancun from friends I used to party with, that I discovered something I really like and thought I might be good at. Add in social media and I thought I really had something I could do for a long time. Writing turned into blogging at a tourism job, and then I created this blog. From this blog sprouted so many opportunities.

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Can You Be Carefree, Fun, And Spontaneous In Sobriety?

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Can You Be Carefree, Fun, And Spontaneous In Sobriety?

"Fun" - double fisting at a concert with a million other people. A little over a week ago I received a detailed message from one of my readers about reaching two years of sobriety and feeling, well, kind of blah. She expressed that she felt that she was finally coming down off the "pink cloud" and that she had been thinking a lot about her former drinking life. She said she is grateful to not have to wake up with a hangover and not be the volatile, messy person she used to be who was surrounded my chaos, but that she did miss being carefree, fun, and spontaneous. As soon as I read her message I knew I had to write about this topic.

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Self-Care Vs. Selfishness In Recovery

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Self-Care Vs. Selfishness In Recovery

I've been wanting to write this post for awhile, but over the last few weeks something else would come up and I would write about a different topic. But this week I'm finally talking about self-care vs. selfishness in recovery - two very important, albeit different concepts. They are often confused and it's not unusual for a person to use self-care as a reason for doing something, but actually be coming from a selfish place, or vice versa. So, what's the difference between self-care and selfishness and why are both relevant to recovery?

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Sobriety Is My Religion

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Sobriety Is My Religion

Ok so I think I've made it pretty clear in the past that the words God and religion are generally pretty icky to me. Organized religion gives me anxiety. No really, I think it's been at the crux of global wars, pandemics, hate crimes, child abuse cover-ups, and terrorists attacks since the beginning of time. Thousands of dollars go into religious entities each year while around the world millions starve. I didn't grow up with religion in my home. My dad grew up Catholic and my mom grew up Protestant, but both were disenchanted with religion and didn't want to force my sister and I to go to church. Religion was never a part of our lives and we were happy that way. We spent Sundays playing soccer, while my peers attended church and Sunday school. The closest we got to religion was a children's book explaining the bible and the basics of religion that my sister and I used to sometimes play "church" with each other. My mom generously offered to take us if we really wanted to go and see what it was all about, but we weren't that interested. I considered myself to be agnostic all my life, mostly because I was too afraid to declare myself an atheist. And I always believed in mediums, the supernatural, and astrology, enough that I felt like I disqualified myself from being an atheist.

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Yes, It's Ok to Say NO

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Yes, It's Ok to Say NO

g this because I need to hear it. I need to hear that it's OK to say NO. It's ok, it really is. But for a long time I didn't think it was ok to say no. When I was drinking and using, the word no was not really in my vocabulary in the traditional sense of the word. I prided myself on being spontaneous, wild, and ready to say "yes" at the drop of a hat. I said yes because I thought that's what people wanted to hear. I said yes because I thought people would like me more if I went along with their ideas or their plans. I said yes because I didn't want to be held back from anything. I said yes because I was extreme in every sense of the word. So when I got sober, I continued to say yes. I continued to overpack my schedule as had been my norm throughout my drinking years. It was even easier to overbook myself because I was able to show up for everything and not just skate by with a hangover. But I quickly found that this didn't work for me. You see, for years I had packed my schedule with activity after activity. In college I scheduled classes, studying, soccer, drinking, and socializing down to the minute. Free time was a foreign concept to me and so was self-care.

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When Love Changes, Change With It

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When Love Changes, Change With It

When you've got the geographical cure for addiction like I did, chances are you've made memories all over the globe. I've lived in several different cities and as most of you know, Cancun, Mexico, is one of them. Fer and I have been here for the last week searching for our wedding venue. I've got a ton of memories wrapped up in this little tourist destination and not all of them are good. But seasons change and so do feelings. I've resented a lot of places where bad memories occurred: my college campus, Ocean City, Maryland, Baltimore, Punta Cana, the list goes on. The bad memories are always connected to one thing: drinking. Some of these places I ended up hating for awhile, but my anger was always misplaced. I think it was part of my defense mechanism - get angry at the place or the substance, but not at my actions or addiction.

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In Sobriety, Ordinary Life Becomes Extraordinary

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In Sobriety, Ordinary Life Becomes Extraordinary

On January 30 at 11:01 p.m. my sister gave birth to her first child, my nephew Kieran Martinez. A few months back she had asked me to be in the room with her during the birth along with my mom, her husband, and his mom. My first reaction was, "Oh shit." This was a big deal. I was honored that my sister wanted me there for her on such a special day, but I was terrified. Medical procedures like drawing blood, needles, or anything involving bodily fluids generally makes me queasy. I had quite a few months to think about this task that laid ahead of me, but there wasn't much I could do to prepare. I just made up my mind that I would be there for as long as she needed me and do what I could to be there for her in the moment. As soon as I walked into her hospital room she was happy to see me. She was in pain and it was difficult to see someone I love so much in such high levels of pain. My brother-in-law and I took turns holding her hand and coaching her through her contractions as the hours drug on. I tried to apply the tools I had learned in sobriety to this situation.

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Triggers Are Found In The Funniest Of Places

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Triggers Are Found In The Funniest Of Places

This photo brings up a painful memory. A night out that turned into another day without sleep, drugs and alcohol to keep me awake. On my Facebook page this week I asked my followers to give me topic ideas for my blog that they might want to read about. I always like answering questions that my readers ask, or writing about a topic they really want to hear about. One follower suggested a post about triggers. Triggers. I had never really thought much about triggers or considered writing a post about them. I'm not really sure why. So when faced with thinking about triggers, a few thoughts came to mind.

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Why Addiction Recovery and CrossFit Are Basically The Same Thing

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Why Addiction Recovery and CrossFit Are Basically The Same Thing

Most of you know that I'm into fitness. I'm a lifelong soccer player and after getting sober, I started doing CrossFit. I wasn't sure CrossFit would be something I would stick with and after letting it go last year when I hurt my knee I never thought I'd pick it back up. A girl I play soccer with encouraged me to go to her CrossFit facility and give it a shot after I started playing again, following my sixth knee surgery. I was bored with the regular gym, feeling heavy and out of shape, and just could never get a hard enough workout in. I decided to give CrossFit another shot and I'm so glad I did! Now I try to go at least 4-5 times a week and it's the best workout I've ever had apart from preseason soccer in college.

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My Favorite Addiction Recovery Podcasts

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My Favorite Addiction Recovery Podcasts

Happy 2016 everyone! Blogs are fun to read, but there's also another great way to get information, "read" a book, or in this case, get recovery inspiration, and that's by listening to a podcast. It's my duty on this blog to share my own experience, as well as what works for me. When I'm doing a long day of writing, or traveling in the car, or even laying out by the pool, many times you can catch me listening to recovery podcasts. I've put together a list of my favorites so you can enjoy them too.

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7 Realistic Resolutions For The New Year

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7 Realistic Resolutions For The New Year

I cannot believe 2015 is basically over! This year flew by. Here we are on another 31st of the year, thinking about what the next year will bring. They tell you when you get sober that "you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams" and I have come to truly believe this is true. 2015 was a year full of amazing events, travels, lessons, and emotions for me. I look back and I can't believe I actually packed so much stuff into one year!

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I Loved The Holidays For All The Wrong Reasons, Then I Got Sober

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I Loved The Holidays For All The Wrong Reasons, Then I Got Sober

Growing up, and until a little over 2 years ago, Christmas to me meant: money, gifts, free stuff, and reasons to drink. For me the holidays were about myself and greed. I looked forward to nights out at the bar with friends who were home, and cheap holiday drink specials. I used to spend weeks making my extensive Christmas list and sending it to my mom with the many things I wanted and was convinced I earned. When I didn't receive what I asked for I would get angry and feel gypped.

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Gifts Of Sobriety: My Engagement

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Gifts Of Sobriety: My Engagement

I'm ENGAGED! It's still SO weird to say those words out loud. Last Sunday, December 13, 2015 - my partner of 3.5 years who I've written about many times, asked me to marry him! I was 100% completely caught off guard in that moment. I say in that moment, because Fer and I have been talking about marriage for awhile. We knew our relationship was headed in that direction. In the last few months we went ring shopping a few times and I tried on some diamonds. He knew exactly what style I wanted, but the rest was up to him. I wanted to believe it would happen soon because the shopping was so fun and it made it kind of real, but I didn't really know how or when he planned to ask.

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Where's Your Human Compassion?

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Where's Your Human Compassion?

In writing this post I have to say I've been feeling a little distraught lately, a little disappointed in humanity. It's nothing new that the world is filled with tragedy and as always, I follow the news and politics pretty closely. But lately it has gotten pretty intense. With the mass shooting in San Bernardino and the terrorist attack in Paris, fear is at an all time high and it seems like this allows hate to creep in. It's not only the violence that bothers me, but the reactions of some people afterwards.

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